Last night I dreamt of a castle
Under the comforts of the twinkling midnight sky, as my weary soul drew closer, the castle called for me, its pearly, moon-white walls whispering alluring promises of serenity and calm
Nothing surrounded the castle, and even though I’ve been conditioned to adore vivid color, I seemed to find beauty in the artistic simplicity of nothing
Looking around at this glorious landscape of nothing, I felt lighter
The feeling was strange; after being so used to the heaviness of my burdens, the lightness of escape was a surreal sensation
The salt of my unhappiness ran freely from my eyes
As the last drop of my sorrow fell from my face, I was floating
What is this? How is this --
No time to waste wondering, I thought to myself as I soared higher and higher
I came across the castle’s windows open, beckoning me forward, shining a beacon of silvery, magnetic light towards me and guiding me towards something…
It teased me with glimpses of delightful secrets and treasures it held within
From the silver of friendship to the gold of family, it was so much like Home
If home wasn’t so suffocating
If home wasn’t so exhausting
If home wasn’t so un-home-like
The voices bombarded me every day
They were comforting and warm at times
But they still frequently clamored in my head like a cacophony of crashing cymbals
The Only thing I wanted was silence reaching towards me, wrapping me in its understanding embrace, and this castle provided that
This castle provided everything from serenity to darkness to silence
I guess it’s true when they say, “one man’s trash, another man’s treasure”
When the mystery of isolation was seen as unnerving, to me, it was wonderful and luscious
My pent-up feelings, once trapped in a fragile vessel, could now burst free
I could cry, laugh, smile, and scream all under the cover of this castle
I could escape from the blinding, scrutinizing rays of the sun while under the perpetual cloak of this castle of the moon
Sure, this castle had its trove of secrets unknown to the judgment of mankind
But being in the unknown was better than being in the known and worrying about every little thing; being in the unknown gave me hope, the hope of what Peace might feel like
But like all good things, they must go; as the moon left at the break of dawn, the sun arrived, arrogantly flaunting its garish light, harshly pulling me away from my moonlit dreamscape
As I glared sharply at the sun, in its hazy light, I noticed… the castle from my dreams
It was there, it was my hope, and it was surrounded by my worst enemy
But could that mean… my worst enemy could be beautiful?
Could my worst Enemy also lead me to my haven of hope and respite?
Maybe hope isn’t about escaping to a dreamlike wonderland
Maybe it’s about being strong in the face of despair
For far too long, I’ve hoped to escape to wherever my heart called home when all I had to do was use my hope to fuel my passion to stand strong no matter what
As I make amends with the sun, I will always hold the hope of my moonlit castle in a special place in my heart
No longer is this castle my escape; it is my strength and my hope to see that there can still be light if I dare to find it
Published November 1, 2021
Written by Mackenzie Chen ~ Graphics by Fiona Xu
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