Thank You

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They’re beautiful.

Their faces dance across the screen as they move. I love to watch them sing and dance. Their music gives me happiness. They have faces of gods and angels; bodies seem to be sculpted from the heavens themselves. They have chiseled jawlines and silky hair that seems to shine in the light of the stage. I could look at them all day if I really wanted to, and believe me, I always want to. I could listen to them for hours and hours.

Not only are they amazing performers and singers, but they're funny too! Their interviews always make me laugh. Their relationship and their love for each other makes me feel like I’m one of them. Their music is the only thing that matters; it’s all that’s in my playlist. There are four of them, and all four of them make me so happy that this world doesn’t even matter anymore. Their world is all that matters. This world is warm; they tell me they love me.

The other one is cold. No one cares about me there.

The other one shows me just how little I matter. Every day, I wake and realize my insignificance. I realize I’m just another cog in a machine that churns out something that is too meaningless to be awarded a name. I grind my gears everyday to get a paycheck to then only return to a life that’s become boring. If I left this job, they could replace me. It’s easy, it’s repetitive. The ones with the big suits could easily walk up to my desk one day and replace me, give me a pink slip and boot me out of the building.

I’m not happy in this world.

While I could be replaced by just another worker bee, I could never be replaced by them. They’re much like a fire, giving me warmth during a cold night. A cold night that seems to last for centuries.

Maybe I relied too much on that fire back then.

I’ve missed too much. I remember thinking they would be proud of me for supporting them. They talk about following your dreams, but I don’t have any. I forgot all about my dreams because my one goal became to support and follow them.

I don’t have a passion anymore. What do I like? I don’t remember.

I know that I like noodles. But is it only because they say that their favorite thing to have is noodles? I know I like movies. But is it only because they like those, too?

I remember taking days trying to find myself again. I was so miserable, so when I found them I latched on to them like they were oxygen. They made me happy, so happy that I found a life that wasn’t as monotone and emotionless anymore. I found that I could do more in life than just one thing.

I found that I wanted to live.

They were still amazing, and I would always be proud of them, but I had to move on now. In this raging storm, a new fire had been created with the remnants of the old one. I needed to let go of the old one before I smother it completely. I found my purpose again, and it was because of them.

I will forever say “Thank You.” For you have made me see that the other world isn’t as cold as I thought.

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Published August 29, 2021

Written by Abinaya Balaji ~ Edited by Sarah Wilenzick ~ Graphics created by Tanya Gu